Tuesday, April 17, 2012

This year's love had better last

18th April 2012

This year's love had better last-David Gray

I've gone through such a hard few years, but I am thankful that I'm still standing up.

Though I've learned so much, I'm still left with many other fears and I've become more of a 'boring' person in that sense. *sigh*

I've stopped trusting and I've stopped caring; two of the worst things to ever give up on.

I guess this is for the better. Yes, somewhere along most my blogposts I have hinted and discussed about my past pain. This year, the birthday celebrations need not be a big one like the last few years have been; the only thing I want this year is to be able to sleep at 12 am and wake up feeling fresh for work the next morning.

I took out my birthday date from my Facebook profile; I'd thought that it was just going to be a nuisance when people start spamming my wall with short, ridiculous wishes like 'HB' or HEPPY BEZDAY or something like that.

This year, all I want is to be happy for once. Happy and content with my ownself, with my own company. I'm gonna blow my own candles and say happy birthday to myself. I highly doubt that anyone remembers, but that's okay; for once, I wish to be insignificant. I want to fade away, so that people won't talk and I won't get hurt for no solid reason.

I've given up too much for people; and I get upset when people don't do the same; and that is SELFISH of me. No matter how hard I say that what people say doesn't matter, at the end of the day those harsh words bother me in some ways.

The stinging feeling I have to bear all alone is hard, but it teaches you many things. People aren't always nice, and at the end of the day, we all should learn to set boundaries. I have gone too many betrayals and I, too, had stoop as low as they did just to protect my own rights and pride. So in the end, I will be a big girl, admit my faults, apologies and walk away for good.

This birthday is not just about being a year older, it's about maturing in mind, too. It's about finally getting my principles right, learning to protect my own heart above the rest. It's about knowing my limits; it's about setting boundaries with people. It's about loving myself more, about never putting anyone above me. It's about letting go and pushing all the pain away and moving forward.

It's about believing that God loves you no matter what happens. It's about trusting that you'll get a better future ahead. It's about being strong for yourself and saying that you'll get through this.

"Get up, Alia. You'll get through anything if you just believe."

and I..do believe.


Alia Rujhan

Sunday, April 15, 2012

part 30

“Do you believe me now when I said that I’d do anything for you?” David smiled as he approached the now emotional Natalia, who’d just managed to separate herself from her brother’s bear hug just a moment ago. The girl was clearly an emotional wreck now; her big eyes all red and puffy as if she were mourning for a dead husband and Nathan on the other hand rocking on the same look with as his sister; minus the tears. He seemed to be as confused as ever as he hugged his teary-eyed girlfriend.

“I told you that you’d tear up just as well.” Nathanial cried as he wrapped his arms around the gorgeous 5’7” girl; her shoulder-length, jet-black hair dancing in the direction of the wind. “It’s just that it’s so amazing that she’s the spitting image of you; if I didn’t know you I would’ve thought that she was your twin-sister.”

“How rude of me; I’d forgotten to introduce myself. I’m Audra Atkins.” The taller girl greeted her, extending a hand. Natalia accepted it happily; offering a friendly hug in the process. “Yes, yes. You’re the aspiring model Nathan was telling me about over the phone few weeks ago. I’m Natalia. I’m so pleased to meet you.” David left the two girls to chat about as he walked with Nathan to check-in. They were booked in two of the Royal Over Water Two Bedroom Pool Vila of the St Regis Bora-Bora Island; one of the most exquisite and extravagant places to stay; with crystal clear water surrounding their entire view. David was happy; his plan was a complete success. Natalia had no mask of any sort on her face now; all she had on was her beautiful and sincere smile; and he was definitely the one to take pride in making that face happy.


Once everything was finalised, the four of them retreated to their respective villas; all jet-lagged and awfully tired from the journey of travelling and stopping over many places for refuelling. David had purposely asked for the two bedroom villa since he knew well of his position in Natalia’s life and although they've always bunked in together,he didn't want to be seen as taking advantage of the whole fucked up situation back in Melbourne. It wouldn't hurt to be extra cautious, no?

“Is it okay if we shared the same room? You know how I don’t like sleeping alone in strange beds.” David knew too well what she meant; so he nodded as he started to unpack his luggage. That was the second when he felt small arms encircling his waist; and he felt the familiar body warmth pressed up behind his back. “What’s wrong sweetie?” He muttered softly as he continued with his unpacking. “Dave? Thank you so much. You have NO idea how much all this means to me.” David smiled; he knew the brunette was tearing silently as he felt tiny droplets soaking up his t-shirt. He knew how hard it was for the two of them to meet up; just like how hard it was for her to trust him with her deepest darkest secrets. “ Hey, hey! Don’t get cocky, woman! I did this for me! I wanted to go diving with you and I know you that you hate diving so I’m only dragging Nathan and Audra just as to get you to join in,too.” He was lying through his teeth, but Natalia ignored him. Instead, she let go and walked in front of David, pulling him towards the king bed; kissing him all the way through.

“Mmm... princess?”


"What’s this for?”

“Your reward.”

“I don’t want one.”

“Wow, why not?”

“Let’s just enjoy our time now, okay?”

“What do you mean, Dave?”

“I’d...I’d like to start...dating you.”

Natalia’s jaw almost dropped, but before she could say anything else, David scooped her off her feet and walked towards the private pool.

“OMG NOOO YOU’RE NOT THROWING MEEEEEE!” She was already screaming and giggling loudly; attracting attention from Nathan and Audra who came by their villa to hurry inside to see what the commotion was about. Ignoring the fact that they were now the centre of attention, David kissed Natalia’s lips softly, and as she attempted to deepen the kiss, he threw her into the pool.

part 29

“That’s your forth ciggie, Tal.”

“What are you, my mother? And stop calling me Tal! Talia is short enough already!”

The brunette spat right back as if on auto-reply mode; as her mouth blew out clear, white smoke. David only managed to shake his head; before succumbing to temptation of pouring himself a glass of red wine. The young couple were now chilling in the garden; both acting like the incident prior to the tea-party meant nothing to neither of them. Beautiful hardenbergias and luculias were seen decorating almost every corner of the green scenery, with the occasional daphne flowers in between the lot. Winter was in its full bloom, and yet one could’ve easily mistaken the weather for being late spring; especially with the specks of sunlight beaming through the clouds that were currently over-crowding in the evening sky. It was during teatime when Natalia decided to use it as the best excuse to go outside and have wagyu beef instead of scones accompanied by, of course; red wine. David knew better that it was just another opportunity the brunette had to seize since no one was at home and smoking was apparently permissible on the compound. Those were one of the few things her parents would have never agreed to; their young daughter smoking in the estate; which he found to be very odd. His opinion was indeed logical and favourable; since the girl was crazy from the start and had done so many bad things in the past and is definitely capable of many other malicious and nasty acts; why stop her from doing the smallest of sins which was smoking; right? He shook his head in silence as he took a sip of wine.

“This is exquisite, Talia. It’s similar to the wine we had on your 16th birthday, yes?”

“Yes, that was mother’s idea of ‘making the party more adult-ish’.”

David raised his left eyebrow as he finished his meal; savouring the sensations his taste buds were experiencing as the piece of wagyu cheek melted in his mouth; paying no mind towards the girl. It had been roughly four hours since the incident happened; since the infinite girl-world declared war. David thought that Natalia was going to keep moping and be all dramatic after what had happened, but instead she decided to learn how to make ‘Indonesian-styled fried rice’ OF ALL THINGS AND WITH HIM OF ALL HER BRILLIANT 5-STAR CHEFS! She was clearly going out of her mind in his opinion, but as long as she wasn’t putting a long-face in front of him; it didn’t matter of what she was feeling on the inside. She’s a handful already; and she will eventually tell him (regardless of WHEN) so there was really no use of trying to crack her open. He knew that too well already, so for now, he decided to just ignore any curiosity building up in his mind and enjoy the food.

“Dave? When does your semester starts?”

“In a few days’ time. Why?”

“Are you planning to go uni for the first few days?”

David laughed at the girl’s reply. Of course, he knew that she knew the answer already; and somehow he knew where this conversation was going.

“It still amazes me at how stupidly naive you’re making yourself sound by asking me such questions you already have the answers to.”

“It amazes me at how you manage to take up a double degree, not attend classes nor tutes and yet still score High-Distinctions.”

“The same principle applies to the previous statement I made about you. You’re such a show-off, woman; you should really stop flaunting what others already know you have.”

Natalia smirked as she heard his reply; the two of them at another one of their ‘I-am-better-I-am-superior-than-you’ games.

“What did you have in mind, Talia?”

“Where do you wanna go, Dave?”

“Can we discuss this later? I want to enjoy the breeze and food first.”

“More like the wine.”

David smiled slyly; he had a plan at the back of his mind, and he knew too well of where they should head off for their ‘short’ vacation.


“Now can I open this stupid blindfold yet? I can smell the salty sea-breeze in the air, you know? I know we’re somewhere near the beach" The girl kept asking the handsome chap for the 30th billion time; trying to annoy him to wits ends so that he’d end up finally agreeing to let her see the surprise destination they were at. She could feel the wooden flooring underneath her feet; she knew almost immediately that they were already there; wherever they were. It was only a mere 48 hours ago that they had talked about going somewhere; but it didn’t occur to her that David took the vacation idea rather too seriously or even go to this extent of surprising her.

What got her annoyed was that he gave her strict orders of what to pack as if he was her mother, and then decided to kidnap her all of a sudden without telling her a single word about the trip. All she remembered was packing and waiting; when someone came by the estate and choloroformed her (or rather blindfolding her, sticking ear phones into her ears with Pink Floyd’s songs on full blast which made other noises mute to her, tying her hands although loosely and throwing into the limo without her total consent) and the next thing she knew, she was already in the confines of the Leigh’s private jet.

Not only that, David was being an even bigger a-hole when he had refused to breathe even the slightest of hints of where their destination was. Even the cabin crew wouldn’t tell her where they were heading. She’d never felt so irritated her whole life, especially with the blindfold and the earphones. This game didn’t seem fun; especially when she had to promise David that she’d just accept whatever that was going to happen. Natalia definitely wasn’t the kind to actually follow orders, but since David spoke to her in this scary tone as in that he’d literally kill her if she messed up or got some smart ideas of trying to misbehave; so she decided to play the nice girlfriend/daughter role.

“I told you earlier right? I told you specifically to pack your dive gears. Obviously we’re heading to the beach! Geez, since when did you become soo....stupid?” He smiled as he pulled the girl closer to him and hugged her from the back. A playful smile was clearly seen on planted on her face, and she began to relax as she felt their bodies swaying to the rhythm of the incoming sea breeze.

“David, what do you think you’re doing?! Can’t you wait till we get into a bloody room first?” Her voice echoed the stillness of the atmosphere, and before she could turn and hug him right back, he let her go. “Hey, come back here! You’re such a tease, Dave!” She stood there for a while, her hands still searching for his figure, but it proved to fail miserably. “David?David. Come on, this isn’t funny you know!” She shrieked as she started to walk slowly and even worse, without knowing in which direction she was heading. Stopping almost abruptly, she decided to pull her blindfold, before suddenly feeling a pair of arms wrapping themselves around her.

She knew too well that it wasn’t David; the scent this body wasn’t David’s; this figure was definitely not his, but it felt all sensual and calming; so she ignored her inner protests and decided to give in; sinking into this stranger’s embrace. Deep down, she’d wanted to scream her hearts out, wanted to beat up this alien figure with all her might, but she kept telling herself to not do anything rather too drastic in fear of having being killed or something. (Yes, her mind does many mind-fucking tricks to scare her logic sometimes)

It was then when she felt someone pulling on her blindfold, and the next thing she saw was a woman she’d recognised from all the photos on Facebook; standing a few metres away from her; this girl staring right back at her, crying as the latter struggled to smile back at the brunette. Oh no, she wasn’t mistaken alright; she knew who that face belonged to.

Almost immediately and automatically, she screamed her heart out as tears started streaming down her cheeks. She knew who this embrace belonged to, it was his. It was Nathanial Adams, in flesh and blood. His midnight-blue eyes greeted her with the prettiest of shines, his face looking as excited as ever. Time seemed to stop for a while; the other people around them didn’t matter. She couldn’t even comprehend of what was happening around her! It wasn’t real; this couldn’t be real. Natalia felt her whole biological system stop all their functions and she, herself, had literally stopped breathing. This didn’t seem right, it must be a dream. She kept pinching herself as Nathanial stared into her chestnuts, stroking her cheeks. At this point, the two siblings were hugging each other loosely; and he seemed to be reluctant of letting the brunette go; so he pulled her closer and kissed her forehead. “I’ve missed you so much, beautiful” He whispered softly into her temple. There was a different warmness in the air; and she’d felt so happy her heart could burst. Big fat tears kept streaming down her cheeks as she quietly hugged her brother, her soul thanking the Lord above for this wonderful sudden surprise. It wasn’t just the beautiful crystal clear waters and the white sandy beach that had taken her breath away, but it was also this human hugging her so close, as if he’d refused to let her go. It was her brother that she was holding in her arms, and for the first time in so long, she’d felt so much love over-whelming her veins.

‘Thank you, Dave. Thank you.’ Her heart whispered as she finally caught the glimpse of David standing on her left corner.