Breaking the silence.

Hello, followers.

It's been awhile, hasn't it?

Ever since I started a new blog; I abandoned this treasure of mine, but I guess some things can be said here, some can't. Fair enough, isn't it? Somehow reading all the posts and comments I have here hurts me in so many ways, but it also proves many things, I'm such a big girl now; and how I've matured in terms of writing and thinking at the same time. I swear to God I shall post more things, though no one reads them anymore; be it as my own private place to write stories and those intimate moments to me :)

Goodnight. I am in the middle of writing some old stuff; though it is a bit twisted =.=

Take care everyone.

P/s: I miss you. Hope you know that, though you never read my posts

pulang.

kadang-kadang rasa macam nak menangis,duk dalam bilik sorang-sorang and tanak keluar and hadapi reality.tapi tak mungkin kan?

kadang-kadang penat dengan hidup,penat dengan love-life,bosan dengan kerja banyak and bosan dengan belajar.kadang-kadang rasa macam nak lari ke alam lain,tanak asyik fikir and fikir and fikir memanjang.otak ni sudah penat.tapi memang tak boleh kan?

tolonglah faham,masa oi.tolong lah faham.tolonglah cepat.

alia nak balik,pulang ke Malaysia;tanak datang sini dah.terlalu penat dengn life kat sini.

:(

i miss home.i miss malaysia.i HATE IT HERE.i HATE IT.

for the first time in my life,im regretting EVER WANTING TO GO STUDY abroad.i hate this place,i hate the fact that im lonely and that everyone else have cool friends.i hate the fact that my boyfriend doesnt care about me.i hate the fact that he doesnt want me to know people here and that he wants to be the popular one,the one everyone knows.i hate the fact that im here because of him.most importantly,i hate this place because he's changed.

he's not the guy i used to know.he doesnt need me the way i need him.

he's constantly taking me for granted and i am overall stressed out cause of him.i dont wanna do this anymore.

oh sweet lord PLEASE take me back home,to the place where my loving family and my loyal friends are.the place where my comfort zone is always present and that everyone will catch me when i fall;where i know that i shall never cry alone.

i hate this place.its a living hell hole :((

always.

i love this song,but at the moment it isnt what i feel.



I've been here before a few times
And I'm quite aware we're dying
And your hands they shake with goodbyes
And I'll take you back if you'd have me
So here I am I'm trying
So here I am are you ready

Come on let me hold you touch you feel you
Always
Kiss you taste you all night
Always

And I'll miss your laugh your smile
I'll admit I'm wrong if you'd tell me
I'm so sick of fights I hate them
Lets start this again for real

So here I am I'm trying
So here I am are you ready
So here I am I'm trying
So here I am are you ready

Come on let me hold you touch you feel you
Always
Kiss you taste you all night
Always
Come on let me hold you touch you feel you
Always
Kiss you taste you all night
Always

I've been here before a few times
And I'm quite aware we're dying

Come on let me hold you touch you feel you
Always
Kiss you taste you all night
Always
Come on let me hold you touch you feel you
Always
Kiss you taste you all night
Always
Always
Always

whats the rush?

i dont understand how people search for so-called love.

its crazy.how do u actually find love?
u cant really FIND it.
it just happens.

to people who INSIST on looking for it,i have to just ask WHY?
it only makes u feel sad and somehow the pain is GREATER than the happy times.

like now.
and the way its always been.

its painful.

when he's sad,u have to comfort him.
when he's down,u have to pick him up.
when he cries,u have to help him stop.

but what if u were the one going through all that?

i doubt that he'll tell u everything is going to be alright.
and it hurts even more when he leaves u to cry all alone the entire night,while he sleeps soundly till dawn breaks.

id rather live alone than feel all those feelings piercing through my veins

**let it go,let it go.**

~benci bila dia buat macam tu.!

:(

why?

at times,i feel that being in love is the best feeling in the whole wide world.

at times,i feel like love is overrated,and that it hurts more than it soothes.

i dont know.maybe the situations are different.

at this very moment,i cant feel my heart beating.i feel numb all over.am i too imperfect for anyone?why is it that everytime we fight,ill always be the one to be blamed,to always be the one who would cause problems?why?

i know.im not destined to be loved by anyone.

not even him.

**sigh**.

here we go again.

another lonely holiday with nothing more than sleepless nights and tears to give warmth to the broken heart.

i so give up.
i know he has given up on us.

maybe this is how its supposed to be.
i shouldve seen it coming.

happy endings are not real.
so i have been living in denial since forever then. :(

its so painful.i wished id never fallen in love from the start;to have never felt the pleasure of having someone take care of ur heart only to feel him break it to million pieces;making a huge mess out of everything.

picking every piece of it is hard enough,let alone trying to complete the puzzle that can never be once again perfect.

gosh.
i never knew it could get in too deep.
i never knew it could hurt this hard.
i never knew it could make u cry this much.

now?
i have to toughen up,stop hoping and move on.

how is that possible when ive done so many things with him?
how is that possible when we've shared so many memories together?memories that can never be re-lived again with anyone else but him?with feelings so right and the whole day so perfect,u just wouldnt want the day to end?how?HOW?

i hate this feeling.its been ages since i last felt this way.

so yeah.

here we go again.

but this time,its the last time.

if it ends,then it ends.

i can only cry and try to move on with my life.

disco lights,high-heels and prada clutches.

lets PARTAYYYY~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~